I like nothing more than a fresh start, often as soon as I finished the game I loved. I get so excited, and then a couple hours later (or even longer), I abandon the game completely. I have many abandoned second playthoughs like this in my library - from Witcher 3 to Elden Ring, from Baldur’s Gate III to Death Stranding and beyond into Outward, Subnautica, Prey… And the list only keeps growing.

Bioshock Infinite's floating city Columbia street scene with a massive statue and a hot dog cart. Bioshock Infinite: Welcome to Columbia. No repeat rides for me.

It’s in the human nature to want more of a thing that you enjoy. Hey, I really enjoyed the way Bioshock Infinite ended (or rather the whole journey there), and after sitting through the end credits - I immediately booted up another playthrough. Playing through the tightly designed opening, picking up on hints I missed on my first playthrough… I replay a game out of pure excitement: I had so much fun, and I want to have more fun.

But here’s the problem. In Bioshock Infinite, I lasted a couple of hours until I realized that the game won’t make me feel the same way again. Yeah, the shooting’s fun, the flying city of Columbia is gorgeous, Elizabeth is charming - but it’s not the same. I know how this story ends, and replaying the game doesn’t recapture the sensation.

And that makes me feel disappointed, or maybe even a little guilty that I’m abandoning such a wonderful game. This game was so great, why can’t I just play it again and have a wonderful time? It’s definitely safer than booting up a game I haven’t yet played… Alas, it’s never the same.

I really want to replay a game once it ends on a memorable note. I don’t need a happy ending, I just want a satisfying one. I won’t spoil anything, but things didn’t work out too well for my Tav in Baldur’s Gate III, but the ending made sense, and I booted right into a new playthrough, as soon as I was done walking around the house in circles, excitedly processing how the end credits made me feel.

Mass Effect 3's ending scene showing Commander Shepard facing the glowing Catalyst child. Mass Effect 3: it’s been over a decade, I don’t feel bad spoiling the ending. The ending sucks - after three epic games you get to pick color of explosions and have to talk to a space child or whatever that thing was.

And satisfying endings are key here - because in over a decade I’ve had absolutely no desire to replay Mass Effect 3, despite loving the first 99% of the runtime. The ending was that terrible, and no patches could make it much better. I still remember, knowing nothing about the game and not following any gaming news, I’m sitting in front of the end credits, confused and upset. I then load up my web browser and type “mass effect 3 ending what the fuck”, and find thousands of equally disheartened gamers.

The way things end influences how we remember said things. Remember Game of Thrones? I’ve been the fan of Song of Ice and Fire since I was a kid, and I adored the first four-or-so seasons of Game of Thrones. Before each new season came out, I would binge through the series all over again. And then came the middling seasons 5 and 6. And purely disastrous seasons 7 and 8, and I just can’t go back and enjoy the beginning of the show knowing how poorly it ends. Four seasons of peak television sullied in my memories. Can you tell I’m still bitter about the Mass Effect 3 ending?

Sometimes I come back to a game because a DLC was released. DLCs often follow this pattern where you have to play through a major chunk of the game again to get to the DLC (hello, Elden Ring - I’m yet to play Shadow of the Erdtree, despite rolling a character specifically for the DLC). And I’ve already played through this game, and sometimes getting to a DLC becomes a chore, and I just… don’t.

A knight wearing Solaire-like armor stands in the golden fields of Elden Ring. Elden Ring: I put 40 hours into jolly cooperation in preparation for Shadow of Erdtree… But there’s more playing to do to boot up the DLC. And I just say: not today.

In a way, I was always jealous of people who are able to - no - who enjoy replaying the same game over and over again. Be it for achievement hunting, or because they really really liked the game and are just content playing through - learning ins and outs, immersing themselves in a story, or just zoning out in their favorite digital world. I haven’t been able to do that.

Despite my mild OCD, I thankfully dodged the dopamine rush of achievement hunting - with Steam listing Subnautica: Below Zero to be the only 100%-ed game I own, and I promise you that’s a pure accident. And replaying the game to see the ending again - or even a different ending - for whatever reason gets stale.

Especially when there are so many amazing titles sitting in my backlog, fighting for my attention. Backlog pressure and abundance of choice definitely plays a role. As an adult with a job and a family, I have a limited amount of time on my hands, and you know damn well I’m going to get my money worth. And as the initial excitement of replaying a title fades, I eventually flake off. Sorry, Geralt - I don’t think you’ll ever find Ciri in a repeat playthrough I abandoned in 2017.

The only time I’ve fully replayed a game was with Divinity Original Sin 2, and that was an endeavor a couple of years apart - there was so much to see, so many decisions to make, and every decision felt oh-so-meaningful. Partly, I abandon subsequent playthroughs because the game boundaries become a lot more clear, and illusion of depth and player agency starts falling apart.

Divinity Original Sin 2's character creation menu showing the Undead character Fane and his stats. I replayed Divinity: Original Sin 2 many times, twice to completion. I just love all the origin stories, and how the origins meaningfully impact each playthrough - with Fane’s and Lohse’s being my personal favorites. I’m itching to load the game up once more…

Coming back to Bioshock Infinite, it loved showering you with meaningless decisions. Pick out a bird or a cage brooch for Elizabeth? Yeah, it’s not a particularly meaningful choice. There was a moment toward the beginning of the game where you sense an ambush coming. You can make the first move by attacking the ticket clerk, or, if you doubt your instincts, do nothing. If you don’t attack first, the battle plays out exactly the same, but the protagonist gets a cosmetic stab through the hand. I vividly remember being disappointed because I felt tricked by a meaningless choice. Did I expect meaningful choices from Bioshock Infinite? No. Did I want meaningless ones? Also no.

On a second playthrough, I start seeing the world scaffolding. Carefully placed encounters now feel artificial. Pacing that felt natural starts to feel forced and predictable. The illusion shatters.

And that’s fine. Some things are only meant to be experienced once, and the fact that you can’t repeat an experience doesn’t in any way diminish said experience. Many games deliver a single near-perfect experience. Outer Wilds is among the most impactful games I’ve ever played, and I have no intent of replaying it - unfortunately there’s no way I’ll forget the mysteries of this world, and some games can only be experienced blind.

Oh, the cycle will continue of course. I’m going to finish next title I like - perhaps Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, or maybe Death Stranding 2 - and jump right into another playthrough. I’ll get excited. I’ll notice things I missed. And a few hours later, I’ll quietly close the game and never return.

Sorry in advance, Geralt. Maybe next time.